Saying goodbye

My grandmother wasn't one for being the center of attention. She was a provider. She was a giver. She would put others needs before her own. I pray that I can somewhat get just a little bit of her gift of loving on people. Even the people that are hard to love. The least of these if you will. She was an incredible, passionate, creative, tell it like it is woman. I can still hear her raspy, heavy accented voice telling me how big my ass is  but in the same breath complaining because I didn't fill my plate up with her beans and rice. She was a funny tiny framed Puerto Rican woman that wasn't afraid to speak up for her family or friends. Oh man how I would have loved to seen her when she was my age. I like to think that Eliana got her spit-fire fight from her. 

 Cancer sucks. It fucking sucks. I don't know what else to say. It's a horrible feeling to watch someone so strong and such a fighter go through something like lung cancer. It is all still to fresh and new in my mind and even though we knew this was coming it doesn't make it any easier.   Saying goodbye is hard. 

As a family we came together and as she wanted had a small intimate remembrance. It was beautiful. Perfect. Everything that she was. Beautiful Simple and to the point.

 Because our babies are on the younger side we decided that we would do something to honor and remember their great grandmother in a way they could relate to. Like I've mentioned before Tuesday doughnuts somehow became our thing and so that's what we did. We bought doughnuts,  ate them on napkins, got three balloons(one for each of them) said a thank you prayer, kissed the balloons and sent our prayers and kisses to maw maw in heaven. I know she would have loved it! 

My heart still aches for you and it will continue too until we meet again, but I pray you keep an eye on my journey as I navigate motherhood and beyond. I love you forever and always Mawmaw.